Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
