he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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