I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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