how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
