when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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