i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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