Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
