There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
