dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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