VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
