Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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