Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
