Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
