I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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