I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
