You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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