highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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