she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
