I wish you could order shots online.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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