I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He shit in the fireplace
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
