there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
