Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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