I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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