We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
