i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
