I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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