I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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