i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
