she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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