I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
