have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
