Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
