she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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