She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
