Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How does one acquire holy water?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
