What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
