My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just cut my nipple shaving
My balls are so social today.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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