I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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