I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Of course I have a pirate flag
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk is not a location!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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