I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
