Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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