Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My pussy is not your playground.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He did a backflip because drugs
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