I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
