I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
