Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
