saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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