even my farts smell like vagina
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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