North Korea, Best Korea!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
