Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
