I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
