Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
