Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
